As my lack of recent updates may suggest, this week was super busy. Summer is officially upon America’s greatest state, and per usual, the hot weather has brought the crazies out in droves.
A few nights ago, at about 4AM, I finally got a rare period of quiet. After catching up on my paperwork, I drove to the back of a vacant business district and took a much needed potty break.
Once I ensured that the coast was clear, I parked my car behind one of the buildings and walked to the dumpster. It was the perfect spot to piss. The place was desolate, completely void of people. There were no lights behind the building and the dumpster was set in the very back corner of the parking lot. I was completely hidden, and free to do my business.
As soon as I started to piss, I heard a scratching noise to my left. Using my free hand, I clicked on my flashlight and lazily investigated the source of the disturbance.
BOOM!!!
Instantly, the dumpster erupted with an explosion of movement and sound. Without thinking I let go of my uncoiled hose, yard saled my flashlight, and screamed like an 8 year old girl. As I stood there in a fighting stance, gasping for air, a family of raccoons climbed out of the dumpster and peered at my urine soaked silhouette.
Apparently, the furry little scavengers had been rooting through the trash just as I arrived. When I turned on my flashlight, the sudden brightness had terrified them and sent them scurrying for cover.
After taking this all in, I reeled back my wiener and tried to wring the vast amounts of piss out of my uniform. Knowing that next time I go to pee, I’ll have to be a whole lot more careful.
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